Friday, April 4, 2014

healthy living

So lately I've been trying to not turn into a gelatinous blob, and it has been going fairly well. As in, I'm not yet in blob form mostly. But daaannng it has not been easy. As a person who pretty much his whole life never had to worry about what he eats or how much he exercises, trying consciously to be healthier has been a real battle. I've learned that I am addicted to:

1. Juicy burgers
2. Juicy sodas
3. Sitting down
4. Lying down
5. Drowning my sorrows in sugar and fat
6. Yelling at strangers to "Stop judging me!" as I smear strips of bacon across my face

So yeah, it was getting pretty bad. But I've been trying to adjust my diet by cooking more at home and eating more fruit and stuff as snacks, and so far it's working, albeit I'm hungry almost all the time now.

My next step is to find workouts for people who don't work out. And I don't mean that machine that straps a band around your waist and jiggles the fat around, I mean real workouts that start slow. I asked my little bro to send me a workout plan, and the first exercise on there nearly gave me a heart attack, and I was sore for a week afterwards. Of course, he thinks it's fine because he has the body of a Norse god and the energy of a... Norse god. Whereas I have the body of a computer nerd who sits typing all day and the energy of the Mountain Dew I drank 4 days ago.

My plan is to go to the library more often. "Well that's a stupid plan, Austin!" you say ignorantly. Verily no, I reply, because the school library is full of pretty girls, like all the time. As I sit in the library, either being pitied or stared at in disgust (due to the bacon grease I forgot to wipe off my face), I should be sufficiently motivated to get a rock hard beach body (or at least a less soft nerd body). Or maybe find a nerd girl who can overlook my physical deficiencies, in which case mission accomplished anyway.

I am no longer Chancho. He retired.

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