Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Comment on this, suckas!

So I've noticed a little something as I've been obsessing over the stats page. I have almost 300 page views (generously rounded up), but only about 9 comments total. I assume that it is because people are so in awe of my wisdom that they instantly reach Nirvana, and thus are above base things like blogs, but most likely people close out the window before they are done reading because of disgust/having better things to do.

Challenge!!!! If you think you got something better to say than me, then I want to hear it. Hit me up wit some comments, dawgs! Mostly so I can plagiarize them. Naw... But I will give you a featurette under your own made up name! And as a gift, I will post some of my best movie and sitcom ideas. Well, not the best. They would totally get plagiarized. Have at ye!

Monday, September 27, 2010

This is what I think about.

Have you ever been reading a book and suddenly come to the realization that you blankly looked over several pages without reading a word? Have you ever been driving your car... (No, I've been driving my cattle. Of course I'm driving a car! Duh. Well sorry! It could have been a motorcycle, jerk.) Anyways, have you ever been driving your vehicle, get to your destination, and not remember how the heck you got there? Well stop doing that. It's dangerous. What if you came to in the middle of an important intersection between two complex subplots? You would have no idea what was going on, and have to skip back a bunch. Have you noticed that no one pays attention anymore? I haven't either. What with all the text chats and facewalls, all everyone does is stare down into their device of choice. I know I do. I got this sudoku game, haven't done anything worthwhile since. Except cure SARS!! Muahahaha! What? SARS was just an Asian myth? Like their dragons and driver's education programs? Well shucks.

(Note to anyone who hasn't stopped reading my blog due to being offended/bored: I am not racist/sexist. I am actually a Latina. Ok that was a lie, but this is the truth. I believe that anyone can do anything. Example: Arnold Schwarzenegger. He got super ripped, learned English, made tons of movies, and even had a baby himself! Point proven. And another thing... Most of what I write is just to get a cheap laugh from my ridiculous friends (you know who you are...). I don't even mean any of it. So put that phone down before you call the political correctness police and have a good time!)

(PS. My sister warned me that I was too edgy, and she referred a lot of people over here. Consider yourselves warned as well.) <- one eyed smiley face)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Good Advice

Never get locked into a schedule. If you do, you become predictable. If you become predictable, then your friends will hide where they know you're going to be, and scare the crap out of you. Just sayin'.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Did I mention that...

I hate loud people? Well I do. I rarely use the 'h' word, unless I'm condemning people to there. I say 'hate' all the time. I live at a place with a lot of lusty youth (For all those confused people, Miriam-Webster defines lusty as 'vigorous' and 'healthy.' It also defines it as 'full of lust.' I mean both in this case. (Side note: Ever wonder if Miriam-Webster was either the first names of a vocabulary driven couple, or the last name of a modern and progressive married woman? Chew on that)). All these lusting hormones have one outlet. The vocal cords. Shouting, screaming, laughing, barking, breathing, coughing, up to three in the morning. It is an aneurysm inducer for sure (Yep, my iPhone could spell 'aneurysm' without my help. And I am one of those jerk iPhone owners that is always shoving it in other people's faces. Sorry, but not really). Maybe everyone here grew up in the city, where anything louder than a mutter got a "Hey! I'm sleepin' 'ere! Shutcha dirty mout'! Ahh fahgettaboutit." And maybe 30 or so curse words. I, on the other hand, grew up in Nowheresville, USA, where we could scream, yell, and cry, and no one would hear us. Not even mom. We were field dressing battle wounds by age 4. (Just kidding ma, love you!) Anyway that's my theory on why kids these days are so bleeping loud. More theories to come.

Fantasy World

My coworkers and I can't stand summer sometimes. It's hot, there is a lot of work to do, and the TV sitcoms are all reruns and junk. But we can't stand summer mostly because the only sports highlights on TV are from baseball games. Boooorrrinng. I mean, baseball has been around for like 150 years (don't look it up and correct me, jerks), so anything amazing or cool has already been done. How many different ways can a guy in tight white pants catch a ball in a glove? Uh, how about one? And don't tell me that football or basketball have been around just as long. Keep it to yourself. Anyway, when fall finally comes around every real man gets a special feeling. A feeling that can only mean... Fantasy Football! Yeah baby! Ladies, fantasy football to guys is like crafts and scrap-booking to you. Nobody knows why, it's just something we do. (Non scrap-crafting ladies... you've just been stereotyped. Same with you scrap-crafting dudes. Sorry). If you don't know how fantasy football works, you probably fall into one of the groups above. Google it and become enlightened! My team is looking pretty good this year. I'm 2-0 heading into the third week, with my team projected to lose each time. I could talk about this all night on here, but this is all I talk about at work, so I'm done. Stay sweet.

Monday, September 20, 2010

What's in a name?

Don't you hate it when you spend a ton of time thinking of the perfect name for your blog/email address/child, only to find out that it has already been taken? I originally wanted my URL to be sledgefest.blogspot.com in honor of my XBox 360 gamertag, but alas, sledgefest was already taken. By some group actually holding a sledgefest (whatever that is, in real life, I don't wanna know). Oh and by the way, that blog hasn't been posted on for a year and a half. Bummer. Then I tried to do mangchi.blogspot.com (Mangchi is Korean for hammer). Yeah, some Korean guy made that blog in '04, and had the stamina to do a whopping one post before he quit. So all the creative titles and URLs that I wanted were gone. Now, without a workable title, the website intervenes, usually with a few options for titles. Hey! Why don't you use ChanchoVilla(Birthday)(Social Security Number).blogspot.com as your URL?! Email services tend to do this too. Sledgefest@yahoo.com is already in use. Sledgefest(ATM pin number)@yahoo.com is available! Thanks, Information Super Highway! Why don't I just tattoo my bank account numbers and the answer to my 'secret question' on my forehead! Ridiculous.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Is this post more appropriate for "tweeting"?

Do you ever wish that you had laser vision? Well I do. Not that you had laser vision, but that I had laser vision. Never have to wash a stupid frying pan again.

Cheese aficionado

I believe firmly in demographics. So with this title I plan on attracting all those cheese lovers out there (numbering in the zillions!) even though this post will most likely have nothing to do with cheese.
I'm writing this on my iPhone right now. Greatest invention ever I might say. Next to kielbasa stuffed with cheese (hah! There you go!). The only downside is that I can see why the youth cannot speak proper English now. The phone caters to people writing sentences like this: "c u 2mrrw 4 sk8tng practice friend!" I typed most of those words wrong but no matter! Auto correction to the rescue! The days of freinds and frieds are over!
Sometimes spell check can be disastrous. For example I once texted my friend, "What's up my homie?" Simple enough right? Not for the iPhone. It corrected "homie" to "homoerotic," I panicked and finished it up with "brother?" Blam! "What's up my homoerotic brother?" So now at work it's really awkward when I run into my homoerotic brother. I can't stare into those deep blue eyes no mo'.
Whoooo! Good thing I made half that story up. It's up to you to decide which half! The choice is yours! Goodnight.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I play online computer games...

...When I'm really bored.
Back when I was in college (to everyone that is still in college: ha ha), I used to play this dumb game on facebook called Bedazzled or something. That game with all the gems that you gotta spin around and match up. You know what I'm talking about. Anyway somehow my mom finds out about this game and we start to have a little feud on it. She'd post a score of 200,000 and then I would blow that out of the freakin' water with a 300,000, and so on. It was great fun until she started kicking my butt every week, then I quit. It was a waste of time anyway.
I also played this online MMORPG (Don't ask me what it stands for. If YOU know, then comment! Nerd.) called Evony. It was a really dark time in my life. I am definitely not logged in right now and not upgrading my sawmills. Crap. Basically you build a medieval town and train warriors and take over other people's towns. The catch is... you can't actually see any of it. I mean, you can see the buildings and junk in your town, but the wars and all the good stuff are all invisible. And every once in a while it'll pop up an ad that says something like, "It sure is boring around here. Why don't you invite your friends over for some wenching!" Yep, I don't have a girlfriend. No wenching around here. :(

Other than wasting 6 hours a day on iPhone games, I'd say I pretty much kicked my game addiction.

Random junk

Ever get that feeling that someone is watching you? Well I don't. That's called being paranoid, people. No, I get the feeling that someone, somewhere, is thinking the exact same thing that I am thinking at the exact same time. Now that is scary! What if your brainwaves crossed with that person, and then it turned into a Freaky Friday/Faceoff type of experience where you switched consciousnesses? Yeah it might be awesome, for a few hours, or at least until you realized that your priceless Beanie Baby collection which you have been collecting since the 3rd grade may be lost forever to that random person who probably doesn't even use hand sanitizer. Alright, enough of that. Another list~!

Top 5 most annoying generic jokes:
1. Why did the chicken cross the road? jokes.
       Chickens are stupid.
2. Dead baby jokes.
       Funny in 7th grade. Disturbing in all other grades.
3. Knock knock jokes.
        Funny 1 time out of 100, but usually involve either an orange or a really bothersome interrupting cow.
4. Your mama jokes.
        Ain't nobody talkin' bout my mama. Fool.
5. Are there even 5 kinds of generic jokes? Erm... How about the Family Circus comic strip? That one is never even close to funny. Yeah little kids say dumb stuff and frazzle their moms and dads. Big deal. Show me something original for once. On the contrary, a special shout out to Frank and Ernest for their weekly amusing wordplay! Bravo gents!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Pet Peeves

Like most people, I've got a couple (hundred?) pet peeves. Some stuff just drives me crazy. You know what I'm talkin' about. So without further ado, here are some things that annoy me ~

1. People.
2. Girls who call each other 'dude.' This word was not invented for you. It was invented for us men, and us men only. Think of another word, like 'bunny' or 'pickle' that you can call each other.
3. Guys who scream. At the place I live, guys scream all the time. I want to chop my ears off.
4. People who think they are super hardcore because they can ride a longboard. I'm pretty sure I saw a dude (take note on how I used that, ladies) with a broken leg riding a longboard. It's not that hard.
5. This computer. I have to hit the period key really hard for it to work. It's a pain. It's a good thing I don't have very many trailing sentences... Dang it...

I'm gonna stop now. I have to get in the shower with all my clothes on now and weep while rocking back and forth. Find a happy place!