Friday, December 23, 2011

The Guru

I wrote this two months ago when I was a bit crazy. The quotations are marking where I started and stopped.

"Sorry I haven't blogged recently. I've been... occupado. Like a restroom on a mexican airline.

Not having a job makes you think about things. Like... "I wish I had a job right now" and "Not having a job stinks."

But this isn't the forum for that, is it?

No, this is where I spout off random bits of stuff that I think up, usually while I'm in the shower or driving somewhere or falling asleep (all separate occurrences of course).

Soap. I think it gives me rashes.

Oh wait! That wasn't something I wanted to write here... although I did think that in the shower the other day.

I want to talk to you all about a new ratio I've developed. It relates particularly to movies.

It is the.... brrrrrrrumrumrumrumrumbadaboombadaboom.......

Advertising Amount to Quality Ratio! Yeeeah!

Here it goes... The more terrible a movie is, the more they have to advertise. Conversely, the better a movie is, the fewer the advertisements.

A graph from somewhere important.

I think the data speaks for itself. This has been researched over nearly a decade of vigorous TV watching by yours truly. And I can prove it.

Cowboys vs. Aliens. Awful movie. They started advertising 2 years before this movie came out. Two years!

All the terrible R-rated summer comedies. Bad Teacher. The Change-up. Bucky Larson. That movie hasn't come out yet but it is absolutely guaranteed to be garbage. (disclaimer... I haven't seen any of these summer R-rated comedies. I'm just good at "judging movies by their cases")

Another movie that I haven't seen but will be stupid is Columbiana. They advertise that movie every 5 minutes. Same with Shark Night 3D. If you put 3D in the movie title, you know what you're getting yourself into.

This brings me to the stupidest movie I have ever seen. I don't remember how much they advertised it... but I'm assuming this was a billion dollar campaign. I'm talking about the Love Guru. I made it about 30 minutes into the movie before calling it quits. This movie was the worst. The jokes all fell so flat it made me"

barf. I actually don't know where I was going with this. But that's a good a place as any to stop.


Favorite kind of brain: A smart brain. Not a dumb one.

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