Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Not my best work. Just so you know.

Time to spit a little of "da troof."

Now, "da troof" is vastly different from "the truth." With the truth, you actually have to be somewhat accurate. When you say da troof, you can say anything you want, as long as A. You can explain your point coherently, or B. You are bigger than the person receiving da troof, and thusly can defend your statement with your fists. There might be a C in there too, but it's probably racist. Anyway, here's an example: Dan Rather. If, say, he had been the size of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, then no one would have questioned the legitimacy of the Killian documents. Unfortunately, Dan Rather is the size of Dan Rather, and those memos were fake. He got busted, and therefore was caught not telling "the truth".

So here is a bit of "da troof": Or something that I felt like writing about and introduced it with this thing that I started writing but then didn't know how to finish: You decide: Colon:

People are always saying to each other, "Have a good evening" or "Have a nice day." What's up with that? Yeah, sure, this evening might be good, but what about the other 50,000 evenings? (number dependent on age and risk taking. Wait, I just figured out that 50,000 evenings equates to almost 137 years. I guess the only thing that number is dependent on is whether you're a wizard or not) So how about "Have a good year"? Yeah, that's good... for about a year. Have a good lifetime? Again, ruling out all the zombies and vampires. Don't they deserve a good period of undeadyness?

So what should we say to one another upon parting? I nominate a solid "Hey..... alright" with a curt nod of the head, after which taking a sharp turn and walking the opposite direction at a brisk pace. Doesn't matter where you were headed. Just turn around, and go. This prevents any hurt feelings for having or not having a good whatever, and also shields against the inevitable run-in 15 minutes later at the other end of the grocery store. Just think of how many post-parting regreets we can avoid with this. Billions! Or maybe dozens! I don't know. Personally, if I see anyone I know at the store, I greet, meet, and beat it. I ditch everything in the nearest cart and hightail it out of the store.  I haven't been able to buy any food in months.

Luckily, cheese self-regenerates if you leave it out long enough, so I'm good.


Favorite song by Lou Bega: I feel like this category is a trap... Can I withhold my answer? No? Darn it... Mambo #5

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