Someone I never hope to become is an actor in one of those bladder control commercials. They are always walking around, being haunted by the bathroom. Boom! Distorted zoom-in of bathroom sign. Oh no! I might miss the game by getting stuck in the bathroom line! I'm playing golf, and all the shrubbery is way too revealing! Any number of nightmarish scenarios! Yep, I enjoy my bladder just the way it is.
Here are some people I would love to be:
1. Wizard. Does it get any better than this? I could cast spells, conjure up... spells. I would live on a mountain and change the weather, totally messing with the people in the town below. And best of all, wizards can fly. These are the things I dream about.
2. DJ. I like listening to music, but I don't like it when other people choose what song is playing. This way, everyone can enjoy my good taste in tune-age, even me. Plus I look cool jumping up and down with headphones on.
3. Street musician. Similar to numero dos, but I could rock out half a block with some crazy banjo/spoon action. Plus there is the added possibility that people would throw money at me, and that's always good.
4. Recluse. A few days ago I had a sweet dream where I built a cabin out in the woods and powered it with a water wheel. I grew a bunch of vegetables and hunted some creatures, and refrigerated it all in a secret stone compartment behind a waterfall. I had a totally self sustaining environment out there, and best of all, a way to power my laptop, so you guys could hear all the crazy stuff I would have thought up.
5. An expert. I don't care what I'm an expert in, I just want to be one. I want to be the guy that gets called when people in movies say, "Call in an expert."
6. Did I say wizard yet?
When I was a kid, I wanted to be either an ice cream man or a chemist. Normal people go from wanting to be an astronaut to wanting to be an investment banker. I went from chemist to mountain wizard. That should tell you something about me.