Amazingnessity

I'm working on some really brain bending stuff right now, so I thought I would take a break and share both the greatest and most terrible thing I have ever seen.

Everyone needs to watch this:

Great song... but oh my gosh, probably the worst music video ever. You need to watch until at least the 4 minute mark. hahahaha. I love it!

Now that I am done LOLing in the computer lab (people are starting to stare, as is the case when anyone LOLs in public), time to get back to work. Later!

Random junk

I've got a serious problem.

I can't stop listening to electro-pop. And Creed.

Maybe this is one of those "First World Problems" I hear so much about on social media. You know, the ones that say something like, "Waited 7 minutes in the drive-thru line at Burger King. Car temp went from 70 degrees to an uncomfortable 73. hashtag, firstworldproblem" Or something like that. I don't know what the kids are talking about these days. Besides electro-pop.

Actually, I do know what the kids are talking about. Justin Bieber. Take Facebook for example. It seems like the people my age group (and older!) don't use the 'Like' button as much as some of the younger people do. At least I tell myself that when something legitimately funny that I post only gets 2 likes and some dumb crap by Justin Bieber gets 15 gajillion likes. "OMG white skinny jeans 4 orphans." Click and like. Who cares if you are on Oprah, Bieber?? Huh? Get a haircut. No, Bieber! Not that one! A normal haircut. That's better.

I forgot where I was going with any of this. I went through a phase a few weeks ago where all I listened to was Creed's greatest hits, and I think that did something to my brain. I also mumble half the things I say, and my singing voice has gotten significantly huskier. It really made things interesting last week when I was singing along to Britney Spears' greatest hits (not her actual greatest hits. Just the ones I think are great). Britney would have sold a million more albums if her voice was an octave deeper.

Alright, well I think I wasted about 12 potential blog posts with the content in this one. Sorry bout that. Had a big test today and I pretty much studied all night for it. Tune in next time for when I talk (complain?) about how much I complain.

A little about me:

I complain. A lot.

Movie title scene

Scene: Dimly lit smoky bar, empty except for one man facing away. He's got a bottle and a shot glass. Two suits walk in and stand behind him.

"What do you want?" Jim Trawler growled at the two men in the dim light of the empty bar.

"The government needs your help, Mr. Trawler." The taller of the two men spoke crisply.

Trawler continued to stare at his glass.

"It's President Dixon. Your father."

"My father? When has he been my father? I've made it so far without his money, and without his name. And I prefer to keep it that way. Leave me alone."

"He's been kidnapped."

"So send some of your 'Secret Service' goons to go get him."

"It isn't that simple, Mr. Trawler."

Trawler spun around. Scars marred his face, one cutting across his nose and another dragging under his eye.

"Well, then, simplify it, and get outta my face!" The hatred flashed in Trawler's eyes as he barked at the men.

"Jim," the shorter, older man whispered. "The kidnapper is your half-brother."

Jim turned back to his glass, and drained it in one swift motion.

"Alright." He muttered. "But we do things my way."

The door crashed open with a loud bang, revealing a shapely silhouette.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, brother."

Jim groaned. "You brought her here?"

"Jim, the president's daughter has every right to be here as you do." The older man stated matter-of-factly.

"Time to find a new bar."

One father. Three siblings. 2 hours of jaw-dropping heart-stopping action!

The Illegitimates

Coming straight to DVD near no one

blessed reunion

If I ever get into a fight with a guy that's bigger than me, I'll turn to him and say, "I'm gonna take you to the dance." After which he will be confused and I'll have ample time to run away.
If I ever get into a fight with a guy that's smaller than me, boy, I sure hope he isn't scrappy.

Speaking of which, did you know they make chicken tikka masala in TV dinner form now?

No, wait, that wasn't the segue. I've been working out recently, and it's actually been pretty good. Normally, when I worked out in the past, I quit after one trip to the gym. (Actually that's not true. One time in high school I decided I was going to run 300 miles over 3 months in the winter. I ran 21 miles the first week, got the flu, and then quit.)

The biggest problem I have with working out is that I'm still fat. I can do a pretty good job of hiding it, you know, when I'm clothed, but the pre-shower flex in the mirror time is a sad sad experience. I mean, I guess I understand that if I eat Lucky Charms every day for every meal it's gonna take quite a bit of work/time, but still, I've been at it for like a month or something. And I'm up to using the 12 lb weights! So what gives, body? I can totally understand why people would buy those things that strap to your belly and electro shock the fat away, because, well, people are lazy and would give any excuse to workout while they sit and watch reruns of Cheers, but also because it would be nice to get a zap every once in a while, just to let me know that what I'm doing is making a difference. Even if it really isn't.

So tonight, I'm going to try and run 2 miles. Yep, 2. In a row. Without:
1. Stopping
2. Walking
3. Eating
4. Barfing
5. Goofing off
6. Passing out
7. Sweating

And maybe without some other involuntary bodily functions. I haven't decided yet.

So wish me luck, varied denizens of the web! And may we all run, toward our dreams.
And away from people with chainsaws.


Profile update:

I love Indian food. Or maybe just masala. It's just so darn expensive. That TV dinner was like 6 bucks! Making it 3x the cost of every other TV dinner. I can get 2, maybe three boxes of Lucky Charms for that.

TMI?

I just checked my Google AdSense account, and I've made 11 cents! In 2 years! Forget school, I think I've found my new day job.

Actually, I better wait until I've made at least 40 cents. Then I can just live off the interest.

So this morning I was waiting for the bus, and like usual it was late. This bus comes every fifteen minutes, but it is always 8-12 minutes late (or 3-7 minutes early? I don't know. I've never tried to catch the first one). Anyway, I spent the whole morning trying to connect the bus number (#2) with fiber and being regular, but I couldn't do it. My best one was: "Hey UTA! Why don't you add some fiber into the transit system so your #2's are more regular!" Yeah, pretty crappy. Ha! Let's see how many poop puns I can make: ... uh, hmmm.... looks like just the one. Bummer. If you can link all those into a better joke, I'll give you a third of my AdSense revenue to date. You can retire early!


Something about me profile status update or whatever:

I need a girlfriend.

Don't get used to this.

What I don't get is how some creatures have evolved specifically to keep me up at night. Why do they have to be so noisy? Is it because it's dark, and they want all their buddies to know where they are? I heard once that frogs croaking in the night were basically shouting out pickup lines to all the lady frogs out there. So why are there 200 lusting frogs right outside my window? And how can they... erm, get it on every single night? It's gotta be some sort of genetic modification, introduced by someone really annoying.

And because of this I sleep with a fan on most nights. Not only for the cooling breezes, but also for the white noise. It's been great, except for when the fan tips over and chews a stray pencil into a billion pieces. And as noisy as that gets, it is not worse than my greatest nemesis. Rob Schneider.

Just kidding! I'm sure Mr. Schneider is very... Deep down he really is... I bet he's great. ish.

No, what really gets me is the dryer. Our dryer has a novel device built inside of it (really deep inside) that sounds a buzzer when the laundry is done. Or so one would think. This buzzer sounds for about a solid half second (which is decades in buzzer-time), but the dryer doesn't stop. Apparently, it's just a warning buzzer for the real buzzer, which sounds off after 3 more warning buzzers. Now, during normal laundry hours, (11am to 3pm, post them somewhere in your homes) this isn't such a big deal, but during roommate get-random-stuff-done time (1am to whenever, bro) this can be a little harrowing. When Satan's Doorbell (that's my nickname for it) goes off mid REM cycle, it's a crap-your-pants the-world-is-ending moment for the entire half second. Which would be fine, except when I finally get calmed down enough to start drifting away again, warning buzzer numero dos blares throughout the homestead. This continues until 1. the roommate gets his clothes or 2. I pass out due to intense trauma of the bladder region.

So I guess the moral of the story is.. Frog Abstinence.




I really hope someone finds my blog by searching for that.



It'll probably be me, later.

Epic Milestone!

Congratulations are in order! This is my 50th blog post!

Actually, it's the 67th, I just wanted you to feel excited about reading it. Sorry if it's a total letdown.

School got out a few weeks ago, and afforded me a small break to accomplish many wonderful things. So naturally, I did nothing. Well, that's not true. I did stuff, but nothing world-changing. Yet.

Mainly, I rekindled my past love of disc golfing. When I was in high school, a disc golf course opened up near the college campus. My friends and I took up the sport, and spent many hours "hitting the links" or whatever the parlance is these days. I graduated and headed off to college to engage in greater (lesser?) things, and promptly lost all interest and skill in disc golfing. Until now! (I started listening to Dave Matthews Band again too. Think what you will.) 

I tell you what, it's been a pretty good way to start getting back in shape. There is a decent course near my workplace, and it has pretty challenging holes, with a creek running through the middle. And notwithstanding the beer-guzzling hordes (we try to go at 8 am, where hangovers and sunlight take care of most of 'em) it's great being out in nature and away from stress triggers. Like I-15.

Right now my go-to disc is the Groove, by Innova.

http://www.amazon.com/Innova-Champion-Groove-165-170g/dp/B0046HY5MW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1338673084&sr=8-2

It's got pretty good distance, and it tends to go straighter than other discs. I've got a few other discs that bend left or right, to help with those pesky shrubberies! I've really noticed that paying attention to the specs on the disc has helped my game considerably. Instead of trying to guess where the disc will end up when I throw it, I can know generally where it will end up and plan accordingly (Except for those crazy errant throws that could end up who knows where).

Anyway, blah blah, I know how boring it is when people talk about stuff that isn't interesting. I do, however, recommend that you find a few discs and a course and go disc golfing. You might find yourself... well... in a ditch trying to make a wild throw through 15 cottonwood trees. Maybe that's just me.

DAILY SOMETHING SOMETHING UPDATE (I forgot what I called it)

Favorite kind of foot: A clean foot.  Runner-up: Fruit-by-the-foot.

Favorite pants: The green ones I stole from my brother a few weeks ago. Thanks bro!