Maybe not so bad.

Alright, so last night I was having this dream. No not some kind of touchy-feely dream about peace and joy spread throughout all colors and creeds. That MLK line gets so overused, and not in a good way. Fewer "I have a dream" jokes people! That should be first on the President's list of laws to get passed.

No, this was just a regular ol' crazy dream. I was on my way to California, somewhere in the Bay Area I think. I finally got to my destination, which was... dental school. Yeah, I was trying to be a dentist. I remember that this school was really prestigious, and I really wanted to go there. I walked into the admissions office, and greeted all inside. After making my petition, I was devastated to learn that this school, this school for dentists, was mostly only for women. They had already filled their quota of men and were only accepting female applicants. Whaaaat? As crushing defeat washed over me...

Bleep blap bloop blah bleep my alarm started going off. (that's what it sounds like when I'm tired)

I deftly hit the snooze button and settled back for another nine minutes, steeling my resolve to get in to this dental school this time around.

Much to my dismay, the dream was almost the same. The one difference being that...


TOM HANKS WAS TRYING TO MAKE MY EXPERIENCE INTO A MOVIE!

There he was, trying to get into this all-girl dental school in California. 9 minutes is a short time, so the movie/dream ended before he got in, although I imagine he had to cross-dress for some application interview and then fell in love with the TA of his incisors class.

Hollywood is always doing crap like that.


DAILY PERSONAL PROFILE UPDATE

Favorite breakfast cereal: Reese's Puffs Cereal, although it wreaks havoc on my thighs.

My bad

Uh oh.

I just started school again so I am going to be crazy busy for the next few weeks.

Don't hold it against me if I don't blog very often.

I might have to just to let some crazy out. Or I might keep the crazy in, like usual.

Sorry.

Maybe someone could blog for me?

Don't read this if you like in depth writing.

Well, the Detroit Lions' season is over. Well played, lads. Well played.

Have you ever found a new song that you liked and listened to it 30 times in a row? I have, except I listen to it in my mind. Over and over again.

Are there some foods that you don't like, but you don't know why? I ran into two of them today. Olives and raisins. I don't know why I don't like them, I just don't. And it's not for lack of trying them. I have eaten many a raisin and olive in my day, and there is just something about them that doesn't appeal to me. A mixture of the taste, texture, and bad past experiences maybe.

Do you ever have the urge to exercise, but then sit on the couch and eat chips and dip instead? Ok, I was just trying to round this out with a third question.

And now I'm off to watch a Lord of the Rings marathon with my cousin. Maybe I'll expand on some of these things later. Or maybe not.

DAILY PERSONAL PROFILE UPDATE

Favorite movie marathon: LOTR. Or no... X-Men. Wait... Fast & Furious. Dang... Star Wars. Star Trek?

Not my best work. Just so you know.

Time to spit a little of "da troof."

Now, "da troof" is vastly different from "the truth." With the truth, you actually have to be somewhat accurate. When you say da troof, you can say anything you want, as long as A. You can explain your point coherently, or B. You are bigger than the person receiving da troof, and thusly can defend your statement with your fists. There might be a C in there too, but it's probably racist. Anyway, here's an example: Dan Rather. If, say, he had been the size of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, then no one would have questioned the legitimacy of the Killian documents. Unfortunately, Dan Rather is the size of Dan Rather, and those memos were fake. He got busted, and therefore was caught not telling "the truth".

So here is a bit of "da troof": Or something that I felt like writing about and introduced it with this thing that I started writing but then didn't know how to finish: You decide: Colon:

People are always saying to each other, "Have a good evening" or "Have a nice day." What's up with that? Yeah, sure, this evening might be good, but what about the other 50,000 evenings? (number dependent on age and risk taking. Wait, I just figured out that 50,000 evenings equates to almost 137 years. I guess the only thing that number is dependent on is whether you're a wizard or not) So how about "Have a good year"? Yeah, that's good... for about a year. Have a good lifetime? Again, ruling out all the zombies and vampires. Don't they deserve a good period of undeadyness?

So what should we say to one another upon parting? I nominate a solid "Hey..... alright" with a curt nod of the head, after which taking a sharp turn and walking the opposite direction at a brisk pace. Doesn't matter where you were headed. Just turn around, and go. This prevents any hurt feelings for having or not having a good whatever, and also shields against the inevitable run-in 15 minutes later at the other end of the grocery store. Just think of how many post-parting regreets we can avoid with this. Billions! Or maybe dozens! I don't know. Personally, if I see anyone I know at the store, I greet, meet, and beat it. I ditch everything in the nearest cart and hightail it out of the store.  I haven't been able to buy any food in months.

Luckily, cheese self-regenerates if you leave it out long enough, so I'm good.


DAILY PERSONAL PROFILE UPDATE:

Favorite song by Lou Bega: I feel like this category is a trap... Can I withhold my answer? No? Darn it... Mambo #5

Not very entertaining

Well, fantasy football is coming to an end and I am going crazy right now. I'm in the championship game and I have three Cowboys players on my team. Unfortunately, my opponent Sanchez has 2 Cowboys players on his team, and they are the only ones scoring points right now. This stupid game gives me more grief than my real problems. Haha. Ha.

So I'll try to focus on writing something important while chewing my nails off and keeping one eye on the television screen.

I want to know if telekinesis is possible. Even if it requires a huge clunky machine, it would be so awesome. You could just use your telekinesis to move the clunky machine! Unless that violates some rule, like how on the Star Wars LEGO video games you can't use the force to lift a platform that your character is standing on. Yeah, probably not possible.

What is "free-range chicken"? A stove is also called a range, and that sounds like animal cruelty.

What does "bawitdaba" mean?

Gary Busey?

I tried to warn you that I wasn't going to be able to write anything good this time.

FANTASY FOOTBALL PROFILE UPDATE:


DAILY PERSONAL PROFILE UPDATE:

Favorite Ice Cream: Heath Bar

Curses and Kudos. Not really. Well, maybe one of those.

Ah curse you ingrown toenail! Just about the worst thing that can happen to a toe. Except maybe getting it lopped off. If you couldn't tell, I'm trying to get rid of an ingrown toenail right now and I almost wish I had just let it be. The sucker is more entrenched in there than (insert new relevant dictatorship metaphor now that the go-to Kim Jong Il is off the table).

Anyhow, that is disgusting. Almost as disgusting as the naked Korean hobo I saw outside the Shingil subway station. But we shall save that one for another time.

As I was thinking about what to write, nothing came to mind, as is standard with these things I suppose. So I decided just to write what comes in my head. That would be the band Rush, because I just got their greatest hits and I'm listening to it while I type. So if I randomly throw a "Tom Sawyer" in there just ignore it.

I wrote something a little bit ago about starting my own clothing company, and how I couldn't do it because I could only draw stick figures (read the post if you can't figure this out). Well, I thought that I had worked around it with my new design company, Eurotool. See, I would make clothes for all the tools out there, and it would be funny because the brand is, effectively, "You're a tool." If you don't know what a tool is... you've lived a sheltered life and the world is a better place for you. My store would have the deepest V-neck shirts, the most ambiguous manpris, fedoras with feathers in them, etc*. Basically, it would be Jason Mraz's dream store. And the design would be so simply. All I would have to do is turn the words Eurotool into artsy metal lettering and plaster it over everything. But alas! There is a company already named Eurotool. And get this: It's a company in Europe that makes tools! The nerve! So any lawyers out there, if there is a way to get around this I would give you a free fedora or maybe some manpris* if you could get me that name. Or some extra strength faux hawk hair gel.

*If you wear any of these things... I'm sorry. But being a tool is 50% attitude, so redemption is still a possibility for you.

*As I was at a loss for a word to call a pair of capris for a man, I went with this. I don't know how to spell it or what it's supposed to be called, so let's just leave it at that.

DAILY PERSONAL PROFILE UPDATE

Favorite Diva: Mariah Carey

Best Wishes

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you have a most excellent holiday!


DAILY PERSONAL PROFILE UPDATE

Favorite day around Christmas: Christmas (Christmas Eve... a close second.)