Tuesday, October 12, 2010


I hate animals. Well, all animals except falcon/hawk/eagles and turtles. And some types of dogs. And I don't know about hate... it's more like an intense distrust. A distrust bred in fear. Yeah, ok, a lot of animals freak me out. Here we goooooo!

1. Fish - I don't like fish because they are slippery and covered in slime. Plus they taste bad. And their fins are like razor blades. Once I went fishing with my friend, and every fish we caught had nasty deformed growths all over their heads. When I say head, I basically mean the whole body, cause it all kind of meshes together.
2. Birds - You never know when a bird is going to dive/swoop/poop. When I was driving home from camping a few weeks ago, a bird swooped in front of my car. This happens a lot, and normally the bird just turns up and away. This bird had obviously been flying straight into glass windows all day, because it swooped right into the hood of my car and flipped off across the road. Bird poop is nasty.
3. Cats - Cats are mean, spiteful, soulless creatures. Nuff said.
4. Insects - Not scary, just annoying. I've got a license to kill for these things.
5. Snakes, rats, spiders, other crawling beasts - I don't know why people like these things. We build houses to keep these monsters out, not to create a suitable environment for a reptile cage. Satan was a snake in Genesis for a reason: they are more evil than cats. Lizards and chameleons are ok I suppose, but only because they eat insects.
6. Random zoo animals - As much as they try to make the zoo feel like the animals natural habitat, I highly doubt that the African savanna smells like a sewer. I would much rather watch a special on Discovery than see a load of animals in captivity.

So yeah, those are a few reasons why I am not a big animal fan. I'm off to go watch the History channel.

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