I fix things for a living. Usually after breaking them first. They always say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." I love that saying. It basically gives me license to break whatever I want. As long as I fix it afterward. I wonder who 'They' are. I imagine somewhere a group of people goes around and spouts off proverbs to unsuspecting bystanders. Probably somewhere in California. San Fransisco area. I guess. As you all know, they don't make things like they used to. (Now 'they' are making things too! What the heck, California?) I mean, they can make a refrigerator with a TV in the door but they can't make socks that automatically pair up in the laundry and don't get holes in them. C'mon scientists! Anyway, most things that I fix I can fix really quickly. This is due to a special thing I call ~ "The Magic Touch" (Patent Pending). I touch it, and BLAMO! it works. Ok, it's actually mostly because people don't know how to turn things on. For example: "The air conditioning doesn't work and it's getting really hot in here!" (They are turning the heater knob) "Our window is really hard to open!" (There's a latch) "The tub doesn't drain!" (The stopper is down) "There is water pouring from the ceiling!" (...) Alright, so that last one takes a bit more than "The Magic Touch" (Patent Pending).
Disclaimer: I made all of this stuff up.
Disclaimer 2: I do great work at my job. No breaking things there.
Disclaimer 3: I feel like there should be one more for good measure. Did I mention that my boss is awesome? Well, she is! (Disclaimer 4: This part is not made up).
So yeah, legal stuff can get pretty boring! I should know, I'm a lawyer. What I want from you people (Whaddya mean you people?) is a time where you couldn't figure out how the heck something worked, so you asked for help, and it turned out to be the easiest thing in the world to do, and you felt stupid. I would give you one of mine, but it never happens. So there.