Thursday, October 28, 2010


I don't believe in argument. Now before you all try to dispute that, let me explain. The first reason why I don't think arguing with someone is useful is because MY opinion is the only one that matters. So therefore I don't need to hear anyone else. The second is that everyone thinks the way I do. Out of the hundreds of arguments I've had with people, we almost never come to a consensus. This is why North Korea is still around, people! Give me one example where people came to an agreement without duking it out and I will say "You made that up!" (Don't give me an example please. I'm not going to read it.) In an argument (usually) two people give their points and then try and disprove the other's point. Most people can't do this on the fly though, and it either turns into a repetitive shouting match, a mess of irrelevance, or into something like that Monty Python sketch where all the guy says is "No it isn't" to counter every point the arguer (arguist?) is trying to make. So to combat that vice of argument, Here are three of my solutions. You may use any of them, gratis. I am not responsible for any injury or lawbreaking from following these.
1. Good ol fashioned coercion. Basically you knock them in the head, blackmail, or generally threaten them until you all live in a tense harmony. Everyone is... Happy. If you say so.
2. Brainwashing. Good for those mad scientist types. You either get a machine with a bunch of wires, or a chemical concoction, and shock/drug the victim until they don't know what they believe in. Then you insert your opinion in their brains. I'm pretty sure that's how it works. Can't quite remember...
3. My personal favorite. Don't have an opinion. When someone tries to argue with you about the foreign policy of Botswana, just say "I don't really care much for foreign policy. How about we talk about crocheting? (or any topic that you can't have a strong opinion on)" Here are a few more: grammar, the Periodic table, cardboard, doorknob shapes, and the taxation policies of Mongolia. Pretty soon everyone will leave you alone and you can read that book you've been trying to finish.

So that's my opinion on having no opinion. Hmmm, I probably shouldn't have written this.

1 comment:

  1. Here's my problem with arguing...I always think I'm smarter than the other person (which is usually the case) but once in a blue moon I get proven wrong and my pride gets hurt. Why can't I just always argue with people like you who don't argue. Or just learn to not argue...

    By the way, you should really go to law school and put that genius brain of yours to work. You would totally make those pompous windbags look stupid. Argue with that!

    Sorry to anyone who took offense to me making disparaging remarks toward lawyers. Although I know I didn't hurt their feelings because they have none.