Wild Yonder

So I went camping over the weekend. I figured it was the best way to get out of going to church. Naaah! We got back in time for church. Kind of. But anyway, it was pretty awesome. We went up in the Uintas and found a really secluded campground deep in a canyon. Lots of trees and leaves and rocks and bears. Yeah, bears. There were like 15 signs all around the camp. Thanks, Parks and Rec. Way to sell your campground. I went with my good friend Sanchez and my little brother Pepito. We went up there to just get away from civilization and technology and dumb girls, and to build a ton of crap with rope and sticks. Well, we didn't build a ton of crap, but we did rig up a pretty nice shelter with our rope and sticks. Ok, it was pretty much just a tarp tied to a tree, but it was a shelter, by Jove! We slapped together some tin foil dinners (Apparently I'm the only one that calls them hobo dinners. Sorry Sanchez, I didn't realize hobos got offended by food), and chomped down on our ground beef, potatoes, carrots, and asparagus feast-a-roni. We sat and jawed out by the fire and had a ukulele battle with another camper (So I was playing my ukulele and some other guy across the camp was romping on his harmonica. It wasn't much of a battle). It was way dark out so we figured it was a good a time as any to hit the hay (False. We slept on leaves). I thought, "Hey, we got this nice shelter, a bed of leaves, and some warm sleeping bags. This should be no problem!" Ha, how wrong a dude can be sometimes. First of all, there were critters of various sizes skittering around all night. I mean, for real, animals... what the heck? Go to sleep, you rabid jerks. Second of all, leaves are stupid. They got squashed down in like one second and it was like sleeping on rocks again. Plus the ground was slanted so I kept rolling into Pepito. Third of all, none of these things bothered Sanchez or Pepito. In like 10 seconds, Sanchez was already roaring like a turbo powered chainsaw, and after a few minutes Pepito was buzzing like a... Chinese moped. I could have dealt with just Pepito, but the surround sound effect of both of them made my brain want to explode. So... I camped out in the car. Which was as quiet as a dead horse (do people say that?). That made it a little disconcerting, especially since I was sure a bear was going to come and tear the top off my car like a can of sardines. There I was, rolled up in the back just like one of those little fish. It would have been too easy. Did I mention my car is not a big car? I basically slept with my knee in my mouth and my toe in my eye. Don't ask. Regardless of all the sleep trauma, I had a great time. I would ask you something stupid, like "Tell me about a time you went camping," or "Have you ever had a bear tear the top off your car like a sardine can? Explain," but I know you will just ignore it.